Time is a strange thing. It cures, having been proved a thousand times, and yet it’s not calming. It changes my mind. Things about which I was a thousand percent sure a few months ago, I now think the opposite without anything special having happened. Only time has passed. I was in love, desiring, crazy for someone, who a few months later confirmed that he never can, nor will, be able to reciprocate my love.
At the moment of the break up he was the most amazing creature on earth for me. Too easily, seemingly almost without any emotion, he said that our relationship had ended. I never thought I could ever get rid of the pain I felt then. It became certain for me that this will accompany me till the end of my life and that I will never recover. No-one and nothing can replace him. Has anyone ever felt this way?
And though my soul was in ruins, from that day my body started to work differently.
I did not eat more, but the awaited the pounds began to remain on my bone-thin shape. My broken nails from that day began to re grow. My hair became stronger, and suddenly all my current abdominal cramps stopped as well. In the evenings, after three pages of reading the book fell out of my hands, I fell into a deep sleep and did not wake up until the morning. I did not need a single sleeping pill. I watched the change in astonishment, because I was still deeply sad, and I struggled on a daily basis with my demons who in my worst moments spoke intensely to me : ‘Call him, write to him, search for him, and change everything back to how it was!’ It has been said that all illness has psychological causes, but I have never experienced so obviously that certain decisions can have such effects.
My friends, with whom I shared my life with from time to time, anxiously watched the struggle, sometimes dangerously happy and sometimes sickly lethargic in the presence of the man next to me, and then how I was without him. They encouraged me and surrounded